Dear Shrek,
I have an excellent cricket bat, but I am now afraid to bring it out of my bag, as I am tired of all the attention it receives from my teammates, with their constant references to this considerable weapon. Furthermore, I have damaged my back by carrying the bat around with me for so many years. My teammates keep asking me to get the bat out one more time, as they feel that it could be useful in the upcoming battle with Ash. What do you suggest?

Regards

Simon H Long

Dear Simon,
I suggest you keep the bat in the bag, with the increased membership and female numbers currently at your club, you only risk even more unwanted attention. You also risk making your back worse.

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